The following video pretty much sums up why I would rather drive my Acura than ride MARTA - even if gas goes to $20.00 per gallon. Right now, Governor Perdue is considering legislation that will allow persons with concealed weapons permits to carry guns on MARTA. I think this is a fantastic idea. Please contact Governor Perdue or call 404-656-1776 to let him know that you do too. Together, we can make MARTA safer for everyone.

p.s. Due to overwhelming levels of spam, the posting of comments has been disabled. Possibly permanently. For the two people this affects, we here at the Prizzo Skeezy apologize profusely.

After a slight detour because of my mad directional skills, The Shih Tzu, Hunt Dizzle, and I ate dinner at Bhojanic in Decatur. Upon entering Bhojanic, I was surprised and disappointed at the massive number of white people. As we know from reading Stuff White People Like, being the only white person around is critical to enjoyment of ethnic food. Even the Bhojanic staff was white.

Because the slogan “Warning, Food Has Flavor” was emblazoned on the staff shirts, I assumed the opposite was true. Especially since there was a limited amount of actual Indians in the restaurant. I was shocked to discover the food had plenty of taste.

I consumed tilapia curry, because I am lazy - the lamb curry was served bone in. I considered ordering one of the Thalis, but they include vegetables, which I am opposed to. Vegetables are for hippies. The curry was mighty tasty. I suppose it could have used more heat, but I consider jalapeños decorative.

Hunt Dizzle attempted to order the lamb curry, but Bhojanic was fresh out. So he requested the goat curry instead. All I have to say about that is: do not eat the goat. The goat is an angry creature and has ways of exacting revenge.

Despite its popularity amongst the whites, Bhojanic is mighty tasty and recommended. Hunt Dizzle gives Bhojanic a rating of three out of three scented candles.

On a cold ass Saturday morning, Hunt Diddy and I stopped by Atkins Park in Virginia Highland for brunch. While I had a tasty omelet, Hunt Diddy got his grub on with country ham and invisible gravy. Service was excellent, our waitress even brought out more invisible gravy after Diddy stated it was no problem.

Unlike a previous trip to Atkins Park, no hot blondes were spotted this time. Despite the lack of flaxen haired maidens, Atkins Park in Virginia Highlands is highly recommended.

Some time ago, recurring Propeller Skies character Hunt Diddy paid a visit to tha ATL. Soon after he arrived, Hunt Diddy, recurring Prizzo Skeezy character The Photographer, and I rolled over to Decatur and ate a tasty meal at Raging Burrito.

For an appetizer, we ordered homemade guacamole and chips. This starter was filling and had plenty of flavor, but was not spectacular. For an entree, I consumed a Cajun Killer Burrito with shrimp. That shit was motherfucking zesty.

While eating, Hunt Diddy, The Photographer, and I enjoyed sampling several fine brews from the Raging Burrito’s limited beer selection. Although lacking in scope, the beers available are all high quality, except for some macrobrewed domestic swill on offer.

All this beer and food was served by a hottie waitress. Although she was scrawnier than I usually like, her slightly exotic looks and low riding jeans made up for that shortcoming.

Based on a barely acceptable beer selection and food exploding with flavor, Raging Burrito in Decatur is recommended. However, Decatur is high on the list of stuff white people like, so crackerphobes should stay away.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. J.P. Morgan Chase (JPM), just bought Bear Stearns (BSC) for a whopping… wait for it… $2.00* a share. Goddamn it - I sold my Morgan Stanley puts based on technicals Friday. I made a few ducats, but cockroach theory (there’s never just one) says some other investment banks are fucked - I should have held on. This is just the first round - this shit is going to make the dot bomb bust look like amateur hour.

I wish I had bought some lottery ticket puts on those fools at BSC early in the week when they claimed not to have solvency liquidity issues - but based on technicals and the greeks, they were overpriced, so I passed.

[UPDATE: Trading in Asia is now open, and the Nikkei is not liking the purchase - the index is down 1.25 percent. ]

notes:

See: JPMorgan Buys Bear Stearns for $2 a Share After Clients Flee at Bloomberg.
* BSC closed at $30.00 (worthless) U.S. Dollars on Friday - down $27.00

Somewhere in Augusta is located in a shopping center on Washington Road. This should come as no surprise to alert Prizzo Skeezy readers familiar with the AUG, because everything in Augusta is located in strip commercial along Washington Road.

Several weeks ago, I had the pleasure of hanging out at Somewhere in Augusta with Recurring Propeller Skies characters H-Dogg and The Photographer. Highlights of Somewhere in Augusta include the following:

• Our waitress had a nice rack;
• The aforementioned waitress wore a tight shirt ;
• Our waitress also possessed a tight ass and nice legs;
• Said waitress had mad sartorial skills, as she wore ridiculously short shorts; and
• Last, and most importantly, Terrapin Rye Pale Ales sold for only three dollars per bottle.

Since even the mainstream media has figured out the world in general is suffering from a gnarly credit crunch, now is a great time to discuss the debt to equity ratio. The primary use of the debt to equity ratio is to determine the solvency of a company.

Debt is not necessarily bad - if a company can borrow at 5 percent and generate a return of 10 percent, the difference benefits the company. However, too much debt leaves companies at risk during recessions. If the return drops below the interest rate on the debt, a company begins losing money. After they lose enough, they default on the loans and lenders can force them into bankruptcy. Shareholders end up with a fat fucking zero at the conclusion of bankruptcy proceedings.

To calculate the debt to equity ratio, divide long term debt by shareholders’ equity. This is easy, as both inputs are found on the consolidated balance sheets. While total liabilities can be used instead of long term debt, I prefer using long term debt because short term debt is already captured in other metrics I calculate. [UPDATE: For more on the many faces of debt, see Michael Brush on buried debt - Ed.]

Acceptable debt to equity ratios vary by industry. Capital intensive businesses, such as railroads, generally have higher debt to equity ratios. In contrast, businesses with low capital investments, like software companies, have lower debt to equity ratios. As such, the debt to equity ratio is best used to compare companies within an industry, with lower numbers being more desirable.

As shown in the above table, all railroads improved year over year and managed to beat their five year average. While this is certainly positive, shareholder equity increased in all six railroads from 2005 to 2006, necessitating a look at the debt side of the equation. Long term debt increased at Burlington Northern (BNI), Canadian National (CNI), and CSX. Should this trend continue, it will become an issue at all three companies. However, because CSX is toward the bottom of the heap with regard to several profitability measures, the year over year increase in debt is cause for concern.

To mitigate the inevitable complaints, it’s Melissa time:

See also: Cash King Margin, the previous post in the series, and Railroad Performance Measures: Operating Ratio at the beginning.

Recurring Prizzo Skeezy characters Hunter, The Photographer, and I ate dinner at The Pizza Joint in downtown Augusta. We briefly considered getting our grub on at the Mellow Mushroom down the street, but concluded there was no point in driving hella far OTP just to eat at a chain with 1.2 billion cookie cutter locations in the ATL.

After sitting on our asses and being ignored, we concluded that no service is provided outside on the patio. Soon after going inside and sitting down, a waitress was taking our drink orders. Lesson learned: go inside for service.

the food

Our second mistake, after sitting outside and expecting service, was to order the bruschetta. The alleged brushcetta sucked harder than an Oreck XL21. Apparently, the cooks are not aware that heat needs to be applied to the bruschetta at some point during the preparation procedure.

After spiritedly discussing toppings for an hour and a half, we ordered a pie. In contrast to the bootleg bruschetta, the pizza was surprisingly delicious. Despite the lack of service outside and non-toasted bruschetta, The Pizza Joint is recommended.

the booze

The Pizza Joint had a wide selection of beers available, especially for Augusta. Because I crave India Pale Ales (IPA) like Paris Hilton craves attention, I ordered a Samuel Smith’s IPA. As my vast IPA experience is limited to American style IPAs, I was excited to try an IPA from the old country. Samuel Smith’s IPA was mighty tasty, although not quite as hopped up as its American counterparts. I liked it so much that I ordered another. Samuel Smith’s India Pale Ale is highly recommended.

ambiance

The ambiance was generic pizza parlor. More burberry would kick it up a notch. Or maybe scantily clad women dancing in cages.

Recurring Propeller Skies character The Photographer and I rolled out to the AUG to hang with recurring Prizzo Skeezy character Hunter. Shortly after arriving in Augusta, we piled into Hunter’s shiny new truck and headed downtown to Nacho Mama’s for lunch.

While Nacho Mama’s burritos are not authentic in the style of Willy’s or Freebirds, they are totally fucking zesty. I had the Havana burrito and a Red Stripe. My burrito was filled with plenty of shrimp and was loaded with flavor. The Red Stripe was pretty much a Red Stripe, but refreshing after a two hour drive.

The ambiance at Nacho Mama’s was excellent, for a burrito joint. Funky pieces by local artists adorn the walls, and the eatery is in a historic building, which has been nicely restored.

Nacho Mama’s is highly recommended. Any Propeller Skies readers lucky enough to find themselves in the AUG should definitely hit Nacho Mama’s for some tasty grub.

[As Smoove is always right, we had to beat this confession out of him. No Apple employees were harmed in the making of this post. But that is only because none were in the vicinity - Ed.]

Dear Steve Jobs,

Go fuck yourself. Hard. In the ass. With a vibrator large enough for a brontosaurus. The biggest mistake I ever made was buying your piece of shit Iphone*.

99 problems, and patience ain’t one

The biggest fucking problem with the goddamn overrated and totally bogus Iphone is that IT TAKES FUCKING ETERNITY PLUS ONE TO DO THE SIMPLEST MOTHERFUCKING THINGS. A software update, which Microsoft can accomplish in three minutes with no errors, takes four hours on the Iphone. And do not even think about trying to surf the internet. The piss poor speed of the Iphone makes me nostalgic for 56k modems and dial-up internet.

Every time I try and use this piece of shit, I want to kill myself, as slowly as possible, because that would be more pleasant than waiting four months for the Iphone to download a web page. Seriously, do not buy an Iphone. Motherfucker is slower than a banana slug.

AT&T’s edge network is slower than a chevrolet cobalt with no gasoline up on blocks

AT&T’s bullshit EDGE network is so fucking slow it gets its own heading. Allegedly, EDGE is 2.5G, which is apparently slightly faster than a 300 baud Hayes Smartmodem. In contrast, I am typing this on my Windows PC with a Sprint EV-DO rev A broadband card, which streams internet porn perfectly fine. Suck it, AT&T. Did I mention AT&T’s wireless network is slower than an entire short bus?

just works, my fucking ass

“The Iphone ‘Angelique’ could not be updated, an unkown error ocurred (1602). ” 1602? What the fuck does that mean? Fuck you. At least Billy G. provides a fucking error message that includes the cause of the aforementioned error. Behold, a screen shot of the Iphone just working:

eat shit and die, steve jobs

Steve Jobs deserves to be pegged by Hillary Clinton** and tortured in Guantanamo Bay until he dies a long, slow, and excruciatingly painful death for unleashing this incredibly sluggish piece of shit on the world. And do not think for a minute I will be purchasing one of his overpriced computers. Twice as much as a PC and one tenth as fast? No fucking way, cocksucker. And I bet they do not just work, either.

Sincerely,
Smoove D

p.s. I wrote this whole fair and balanced review and MY MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN IPHONE IS STILL NOT FUCKING DONE UPDATING!

notes:

* And I have made some big ones. A Pontiac Grand Am and a Jeep Grand Cherokee come to mind. At least they just cost me money and did not piss me off by taking six hours to update every other day and three weeks to download a fucking web page.
** Or any other man hating lesbian with serious anger management problems.