Almost every afternoon, I head over to Starbucks® for a tasty cup of coffee. The walk gives me a chance to clear my head and purchasing a $5 cup of coffee stimulates the economy and makes me feel like I am doing my part in the War On Terrorism™. Usually, this is one of the more pleasant parts of my workday.

However, today I was stuck in line behind Dumbass no. 1 and Dumbass no. 2. Dumbass no. 1 took twenty minutes to choose a baked good from the collection of not very tasty baked goods that Starbucks® offers. In comparison, Dumbass no. 2 took fifteen minutes to ask thirty-five stupid questions* about a particular kind of coffee and then decided to hold off and purchase some tomorrow. Thanks for wasting my time, cocksuckers.

To remedy the situation, I propose that Starbucks® open a special register, just for dumbasses. Anyone who takes more than three seconds to place an order will be forcibly relocated from the normal people line to the dumbass line.

notes:

*There are no stupid questions, only stupid people.