Growing up, our family automobiles were always bare bones. My father did not believe in modern conveniences such as air conditioning, power windows, or even power door locks. His theory was more gadgets on the car meant more items to break, which meant more stuff for him to fix. When my brother and I would complain about the massive amount of labor involved in actually rolling a window up by hand, he would regale us with a story about how his neighbor had power windows and spent every single Saturday fixing them.

I ignored my father, assuming that the real reason we never had power windows was they cost extra. All three vehicles I have owned featured power windows, because I am a fat lazy American who is for damn sure not performing manual labor to pick up my supersized combo meal from the drive through. Much to my annoyance, the window on my Acura rolled up crooked after a trip through the Chick-Fil-A drive through Friday morning.

This morning, when I dropped the offending vehicle off at CarMAX for repair I was issued a Ford Focus. As rental cars go, this one is pretty reasonable. In typical American fashion, the interior was clearly designed by fucking accountants. A plethora of cheap plastic all over everything attests to this. Additionally, it would not kill the Ford employees to take a class or two on interior design, because the front is very poorly laid out. Most importantly, THERE IS NO PLACE TO PUT MY IPOD! The front seats are all right, but no match for the sweet buckets in my Acura.

Much to my amazement, the Focus is reasonably powerful. Although acceleration is not as rapid as my Acura, the car does proceed forward hastily when the gas pedal is mashed with authority. In contrast, the Dodge products I find myself driving on business make an impressive amount of noise and leisurely pick up speed when floored. Handling is acceptable, and certainly better than the traditional American feel of a rolling couch. However, during spirited cornering the Focus displays massive amounts of body roll. This is likely due to the suspension being set on candy-ass. How Seth manages to put in respectable times rally crossing a Focus is beyond me.

I do not recommend the Ford Focus. However, to paraphrase the esteemed Cap’n Ken over at The Wisdom, this is not terrible for an American car, but who the fuck would want an American car? I should know, I have owned two out of a misguided sense of patriotism. Or maybe just stupidity.