Here in America, we like to punish poor people for being poor. They deserve it for being too lazy to work or attain an education and better their lot in life. Our favorite ways to punish them are to pack them like anchovies into badly built crime infested housing projects and to produce really bad cheap cars. Natural disasters that disproportionately affect the poor are just an added bonus that proves God hates the poor too.

Last week, my beloved Acura was in the shop, getting the motherfucking window fixed again. Therefore, I was issued a Chevrolet Cobalt to drive in the interim. In contrast to the mediocre Ford Focus I had last time, the Cobalt is a total piece of shit. Fucking MARTA is more comfortable than a Chevy Cobalt. If the painful seats were not punishing enough, this damn car also has no power equipment whatsoever. No power windows, no power locks, no remote trunk release, and no remote keyless entry. On a positive note, it at least has air conditioning.

performance (or lack thereof)

This is almost the slowest car in the history of cars. Only my friend Clear-Dogg’s college car, an early 1990s Hyundai Excel had less power. Flooring the accelerator results in all 145 horses screaming in agony behind the firewall and a small increase in forward momentum. In contrast, my Acura accelerates better in sixth gear. And gets better gas mileage doing it. In comparison, the Focus accelerated slightly faster.

The suspension is a disaster. In contrast to the Focus, which was at least acceptable, the Cobalt feels like it is about to tip over when going around a freeway ramp at speeds over 20 miles per hour. I drove an SUV for four years that felt more stable.

The brakes do stop the car in a reasonable distance. However, pedal feel is abysmal and I am always surprised the car does come to a stop.

conclusion

The only thing GM gets right on this car is the silky smooth automatic transmission. I do not recommend this car. Anyone looking for a cheap car would be well advised to purchase a used Civic or Corolla. Maybe even a Focus, if buying American is a priority.