The promised land is Columbus, Ohio, of all fucking places. I am not kidding. Really. Also, I have not had three Martinis. Or any other performance enhancing drugs.

About a month ago, I somehow stumbled upon Topless Hotdog Entertainment (THE). Alert Propeller Skies readers will recall that I like hotties and Nathan’s Hot Dogs, so it should not be a mystery why I clicked over there. After visiting a few times, I learned THE is written by a smokin’ six foot tall blonde hottie who also plays hockey. One of the first stories I read was about the worst date ever. Apparently, she agreed to meet this douchebag at a goddamn Waffle House. I realize this seems absurd to my Atlanta based readers who are familiar with that fine restaurant chain, but I found it on the internet, so it must be true. A few weeks later, she posted the link to his Myspace* profile. Out of morbid curiosity I clicked the link and was astounded that eight smokin’ hotties are listed as his friends.

Obviously, Columbus, Ohio, is full of hot women with no taste, hence the impending relocation. I will need to hire a stunt cock to help take care of all the pirate treasure I will surely be getting, what with me having four Metallica albums and a sweet ride and all. Ohio or bust!

notes:

*A blogging service for people who are hopelessly lame and into butt ass ugly web design.