Propeller Skies

Merry Christmas to all five Propeller Skies readers. Regularly scheduled posting will resume sometime in January. Unless, of course, something interesting happens.

This weekend, I found another wrecked ghetto sled in my bootleg apartment complex. I think this buttmunch backed into a utility pole or something:

Before any of the five Prizzo Skeezy readers point out that I just wrecked an Acura and bring up the word hypocrite, I would like to point out mine was towed to a salvage yard and not parked in front of my ghetto fabulous apartment.

In contrast to the second Baller of the Week™ contestant these pimp rims are fairly easy to clean. I found these dope dubs attached to a Ford Explorer in the parking lot of my ghetto fabulous apartment complex. Behold the power of bling:

As this was the only modification, the Explorer looked rather silly.

I really wanted to replace my Acura RSX Type-S with an Acura TL, but I did not want to pay $34,000 for one. I figured a TSX would be a nice upgrade from the RSX Type-S at a reasonable price. The day after test driving a Lexus IS 250 I went to an Acura dealer on Cobb Parkway to drive a TL and a TSX.

Of course the dealership did not have a black on black 6MT non-navi TL. This did not stop the salesman from dragging me around the fucking freezing lot looking for one. Eventually, I agreed to test drive one with a beige interior, even though nothing screams AARP like beige leather. After finally going back inside, the salesman made me wait while he checked with his sales manager, in case someone was hiding a car matching my specifications up their ass.

The salesman returned and asked me what I thought of pre-owned. Being frozen and irritated, I was not feeling accommodating or cooperative, so I responded, “not much.” However, a black on black TL with a manual transmission had come in off a lease the day before, so I agreed to test drive it.

On the test drive, I noted the TL has possibly the slickest shifting manual gearbox on the planet, ass loads of power, more rattles than an eight year old Pontiac Sunfire, some torque steer, and decent handling. The suspension was a little soft, but some after market parts will fix that. Typical of Acura products, sight lines were excellent and I hade no trouble finding a comfortable driving position.

Once back inside, the salesman was extremely pushy and a general pain in the ass. He pissed me off to the point where I called the Lexus dealer while he was off “talking to his manager” and started walking out to drive down the street and buy the IS 250. After arguing over the price, the dealership finally agreed to what I offered. I got a decent deal, but not much better than what I could have done by just going to CarMax. However, CarMax had no third generation TLs with a manual transmission available in Atlanta.

After wrecking my Acura, I called in sick to work, collected my dope rental car, and started to surf the internet for a new ride. I was considering the following options [1] find another RSX Type-S, [2] upgrade to a TSX, or [3] ball out of control and upgrade to a TL.

I have not bothered to get cable or hook up my sweet rabbit ears to my television. Somehow, despite this lack of television watching, the motherfucking Lexus December to remember promotion was drilled into my brain. Like the model consumer I am, I stopped by the Lexus site to see what they had. Much to my surprise, they had redesigned the butt ass ugly IS 300 and come up with the IS 250 and IS 350. The IS 250 is underpowered with a paltry 205 horsepower, a whopping 11 more than the new Honda Civic SI. However, it fell within my price range and is available with a six speed manual transmission. So I applied for credit on-line.

The next day I took a short trip over to the dealership to test drive an IS 250. Unfortunately the only six speed on the lot was in the showroom, so I was stuck driving one with an automatic transmission. This was a critical error on the part of the dealer, as I came close to purchasing an IS 250. A sweet clutch and precise shifter probably would have sold me.

The dealer’s test drive circuit was one of the best I have ever been on, with plenty of curves and hills to really check out the car. Despite the pathetic horsepower and torque ratings, power was sufficient. The IS 250 really handled well with a tight but not punishing suspension and spot on steering. Rear wheel drive also helped the dynamic of the car. I had a hard time finding a good driving position, as the height adjustment simply did not go low enough. Another key issue is the dumbass headrest for the middle seat blocks the view out the rear window.

I went into the dealership expecting not to like this car. However, after driving it I found it very capable and upgraded it from curiosity to serious consideration. If one is considering the Acura TSX, I highly recommend checking out the Lexus IS 250. However, I did not purchase this vehicle.

After wrecking my Acura, I was issued a Mazda 6 to drive while the insurance company either [1] fixed my RSX (not likely), or [2] totaled it and sent me some cash money (what actually happened). A big Propeller Skies shout out to Hertz for being very accommodating.

The Mazda 6 handled fine and had a decent amount of power. However, I have a few complaints. I was extremely annoyed by the dipshit serpentine shift gate. What the fuck happened to going through P, R, N, and D in a straight line? Apparently some damn focus group told car manufacturers that was too easy, so they responded with unnecessarily convoluted automatic shifters. Second, the sight lines were awful compared to my late Acura and were not helped by the retarded ricer spoiler. Additionally, I had trouble finding a comfortable driving position. Overall, the Mazda 6 was a decent rental car. It was certainly as good as the Focus and light years ahead of the Cobalt. However, I do not recommend purchasing this automobile.

Growing up, I was enamored of fast cars. Thus, I viewed Ralph Nader as Satan incarnate due to his support of the completely moronic 55 mile per hour national speed limit.

A couple of weeks ago, I crashed my Acura RSX Type-S into a jersey barrier at approximately 65 mph, spun, and went back across the freeway. I had to apply the brakes to keep from hitting the other wall. Before all five readers ask, no, I was not drunk.

I walked away from the crash. If one is going to crash, I highly recommend doing it in a Honda product. I would like to thank Mr. Nader for promoting various safety features such as air bags, crumple zones, and seat belt pretensioners, which all worked together to save my dumb ass.