free mission statements
Several potential readers have arrived at Propeller Skies while searching for free mission statements. Because more stupid and pointless mission statements are exactly what the world needs now, I have put together the following free mission statements:
- [Name of Corporation] strives to bend our customers over and fuck them in the ass with a cock big enough for an elephant by overcharging for defective and uninspired products, while cutting benefits and pay for American workers and replacing them with Chinese sweatshop labor when they complain; and
- [Name of Corporation] will leverage synergies to provide sub par customer service and drive [Name of Corporation] into bankruptcy while providing golden parachutes for all senior executives.
January 16th, 2006 at 21:35
Anything we ARE happy about anymore?
January 19th, 2006 at 11:27
You left out “diversity and inclusion” and “core compentencies.”
I own stock in the corporation that belongs to the first mission statement. It makes me feel good to invest in the poor sodomites and Chinamen.
January 20th, 2006 at 20:51
Think YOU’VE got problems!
Well, ok, obviously you do.
But still.
Famous hackney guy.
a/ I don’t live in hackney, I live down the road
b/ I deny everything
January 27th, 2006 at 02:12
If you’re going to steal my mission statement (#1), I wish you’d give me credit.
February 5th, 2006 at 07:14
No…really. Where are the free mission statements?