Propeller Skies

Since inventing memoirs is currently the subject of a Dilbert comic strip, I would like to clear up a few misconceptions about this web site. Nothing published on this site is in any way accurate. Automobile reviews are written after reading sales literature obtained from dealers. Commentary on events and parties is stitched together from what my friends who actually attended tell me. Restaurant reviews are made up out of whole cloth after visiting the eatery’s web site. Concrete examples of the lies told here include:

• I live in Macon, NOT Atlanta;
• I do NOT drive an Acura TL - I really roll in a 1989 Chevrolet Corsica with a 2.8 liter V6 and dope ass spinning hubcaps; and
• Like a real American, I like anything mass produced - e.g. Pizza Hut pizza and Budweiser beer - and hate independent establishments and microbrews with character and flavor.

Additionally, the characters on this site arranging themselves into patterns resembling syntactically correct English is pure happenstance. So, to all five Prizzo Skeezy readers, thanks for reading this steaming pile of horse shit.

At first, I thought this was a home made SUV. Then I noticed the S-10 Blazer badge on the front. Which makes no sense, because this is a K-5 Blazer.

Thanksgiving day 2003. Smoove D is sitting in a filthy apartment [This is redundant, as Smoove's flat is always dirty - Ed.] at a desk buried under every piece of mail he has ever received. Smoove is busy downloading internet porn before heading to an orphan dinner put on by recurring Propeller Skies character Katt. Never mind that Propeller Skies does not yet exist. Two Sheds radio is playing in the background. “Tomorrow Waits” by the Silent Kids begins blasting out of cheap tinny computer speakers. Suddenly Smoove pauses Stephanie Swift and checks out their web site.

Three years later, Smoove receives an email invitation from the band’s mailing list to Shane’s Big Ass Party, at which the Silent Kids will be performing. Smoove has no idea who the fuck Shane is, so he invites a few friends and makes plans to attend the party.

Recurring Propeller Skies character The Beaver and I arrive at the party. I wander over and pour myself a beer. I glance at the tag on the keg and realize this Shane motherfucker is balling the fuck out of control. Crazy cracka bought kegs of Terrapin Rye Pale Ale. Bitchin’. We stand around and talk to some random people about everyone in Atlanta’s favorite topic - what we do for a living. Recurring Propeller Skies characters Katt and Chris show up. Chris proceeds to make friends with everyone at the party. I stand around and drink beer.

Silent Kids take the stage and I notice they have a few new members, including a smokin’ blonde bass player. The band plays about five songs and the motherfucking pigs show up. Despite this being an allegedly free country, Big Brother orders the band to stop playing. We leave. I recommend catching a Silent Kids show.

Smoove D is standing in front of the beer cooler at Wegmans, looking to purchase some tasty Saranac when the following conversation takes place:

“Why don’t you try some Phin and Matt’s Pale Ale?”

“Never heard of it. Besides, it’s brewed in Lakewood, how good can it be?”

“It says best beer in the galaxy right on the side.”

“That’s likely. Besides, $7.49 a six pack is a little pricey when the Saranac is only $5.49 and I know it’s good.”

I get home and ask the internet what it thinks of Southern Tier Brewing. Results are favorable and the brewery hosts tours on Saturdays at four, so I add it to my Palm.

Later in the week, after Saranac supplies are exhausted, I pick up some of Phin and Matt’s Extraordinary Ale. At home, I crack open a bottle with low expectations. Much to my surprise, it was extremely zesty and might replace Sierra Nevada Pale Ale as my favorite beer. In the interest of scientific inquiry, a head to head taste test will take place.

Saturday, we arrive for the tour, slap down five ducats each, and begin tasting. We start off with a Triple, Belgian style, which is all right. Next, an India Pale Ale is served - very tasty and a bit brighter than the Saranac IPA I drank earlier in the week. Phin and Matt’s Extraordinary Ale follows the IPA. Hops Sun - a summer brew - comes next. I like it, but the IPA is a better warm weather beer. Finally, Porter is served and is very good.

The bartender fills our glasses one last time and we set off on the tour, led by Phin. He offers us a sample of something new called Big Red. The beer is all right, but the others are tastier. Next, Phin provides samples of an Imperial IPA. I found it good, but overly strong. I would have loved this beer in college.

I highly recommend Southern Tier Brewing.

Damn. I had no idea the cost benefit ratio of a Playstation 3 was so much higher than Tanqueray No. 10 or an Acura.

Read Love Thy Playstation, Love Thyself.

Enough already.

Read FDA: Restaurants On Front Lines In Obesity Fight.