Propeller Skies

[Full disclosure: Smoove D received the Phillips Senseo machine for free, as part of a marketing scheme cleverly calculated to leverage the power of bloggers and other viral marketing techniques to spread the word about this product. Marketing floozies are encouraged to send free stuff for review (as long as Smoove gets to keep it). Make sure to send items that do not suck, as Smoove has loads of anger and will rip sub par products hardcore like a porno flick bitch - Ed.]

A few weeks ago, The Man was walking around the cube farm waxing lyrical about how excellent his friend’s Phillips Senseo machine was. Although The Man is a coffee snob, I was skeptical, as the whole idea seemed like a system designed by an evil marketing genius to sell expensive and repugnant coffee pods to idiot consumers.

About fifteen minutes later, I came across an advertisement on Evite promising a chance to win a Senseo for filling out a survey*. Because performance review time is drawing near and The Man is always in a better mood after a cup of coffee, I took the survey. The correct answers were supremely easy to figure out and a few days later an email arrived in my inbox notifying me that a free Senseo would be on the way as soon as I provided my shipping address. [Note to marketing floozies designing surveys - ask for audited numbers of unique site visitors, the spam bots are not going to be purchasing any coffee pods - Ed.] A month later, the Senseo arrived and I dragged it into the office.

the test

Because the company coffee tastes like stale goat dung, The Man enthusiastically unpacked the Senseo, cleaned it, and fired it up.

the good

Much to my surprise, the Senseo turned out to be very premium. Key things I liked about the machine include the following:

• Fast - within ninety seconds, the water was heated and after three minutes we were drinking fresh brewed coffee;
• Decent coffee - the Senseo medium roast is much tastier than our company coffee and very palatable, although not as good as premium fresh ground beans;
• Third party coffee pods are available for the Senseo;
• Easy to clean, which is important to a lazy slacker like me - just rinse out the pod holder; and
• Looks supremely cool - like something Apple might design.

the bad

I had an uncharacteristically difficult time coming up with items to complain about regarding the Senseo. However, I disliked the following things:

• The medium roast coffee pods we sampled are not as good as beans available from local coffee shops or even national chains; and
• The Senseo only brews eight ounces of coffee at a time - I require at least sixteen ounces of coffee.

why buy?

After trying it out, I concluded the Senseo, while nifty, is not for me. However, the Senseo is:

• Perfect for one or two people who are not serious coffee addicts; and
• A sweet accessory for a swank bachelor pad - I almost kept it for that reason alone.

notes:

* Apparently, internet marketing firms have bugged the office. This shit is getting scarier than the No Such Agency tapping everyone’s phones.

Dennis Franchione is now officially Mike Leach’s bitch and the proud owner of a 1 and 3 record against the worst school in Texas.

fire franchione

Although I would like to see Mr. Franchione go, I have tried to be somewhat fair and balanced on this site. However, with the latest embarrassing loss to a second rate team, the time has come to end the charade. I realize Texas A&M will not play for a national championship, or for the Big 12 conference championship, every single year, but the losing has got to stop.

Mr. Franchione needs to be fired. Mike Leach embarrasses him every year wherever the game is played. Mack Brown bends Mr. Franchione over and pounds him in the ass with a dick big enough for a pachyderm every November. Finally, even the sorry Baylor Bears are routinely pushing the Aggies into overtime.

fire gary darnell

Gary Arnell (because the D is missing*) and his patented Pink Shirts (lack of) defense lost this game. In the grand old days under R.C. Slocum**, the Wrecking Crew defense would have won the game for Texas A&M. Mr. Arnell’s failure this week is made worse because Gary Patterson wrote an instruction manual on stopping the Red Raider offense a few weeks ago. As predicted, Mr. Arnell’s (lack of) defense was exposed in Big 12 conference play as shown by the following statistics:

• Points allowed per game increased to an average of 15.8 - good for eighth in the Big 12;
• Pass defense went in the toilet, with average passing yards allowed per game increasing to 180.4 - or over 50 more yards than the average last week;
• Rush defense improved to an average of 113.8 yards allowed per game - mostly because Texas Tech had so much success shredding the Aggie (lack of) pass defense they never bothered to run; and
• Total defense is a disappointing fifth in the Big 12 at 294.2 yards allowed per game.

notes:

* Thanks to recurring Propeller Skies commenter T. Martin for clueing me into that.
** I admit to thinking it was time for Mr. Slocum to hang it up and being enthusiastic about Mr. Franchione being hired as head coach. However, the last four years have proven me wrong - Mr. Franchione will never be half the coach that Mr. Slocum was.

Bleu cheese left over from a former episode of Pimp My Grilled Cheese was collecting dust in my refrigerator. I was about to toss it when the army of blonde floozies in the Propeller Skies marketing department suggested Pimp My Bubba Burger® would be a logical brand extension. They also noted synergies created by repurposing existing bleu cheese inventories could be leveraged to create a new product category and optimize revenue generation capabilities. Hence the following recipe for a pimped Bubba Burger®:

• Whole grain hamburger bun, one of;
• Bubba Burger® one of;
• Bleu cheese crumbles, lots of; and
• Fresh ground pepper, to taste.

Place one frozen Bubba Burger® in a cast iron grill pan*. Fry over medium heat until juices are on top and flip. Add fresh ground pepper to taste. Sprinkle blue cheese crumbles on the burger. Hint: too much is never enough. Toast hamburger bun. Place pimped Bubba Burger® on freshly toasted bun and add ketchup. Enjoy. Finally, bring Smoove D a bottle of Bombay Sapphire to thank him for taking the time to write up this premium recipe.

notes:

* I find Le Creuset works well, despite being made in France Freedom.
** I’m n ur North Pole snipin’ ur elvez.

Last week, recurring Propeller Skies character The Beaver and I went to West Egg Cafe for brunch. Alert Prizzo Skeezy readers will recall I ate at West Egg Cafe before and was not impressed. Unfortunately my side of town suffers from a paucity of tasty breakfast places, so I gave the West Egg Cafe another chance.

Upon arriving, we discovered a twenty minute wait. While irritating, this is better than the supremely lame Flying Biscuit. And West Egg Cafe serves real food at the end of the wait, not organic free range tree hugging hippie bullshit. Coffee* and a reasonably comfortable chair made the wait tolerable.

After finally being seated, I ordered the Salmon Cakes Benedict. This dish is simply Eggs Benedict served on salmon cakes instead of English muffins. The Salmon Cakes Benedict was rather tasty.

In contrast to last year, coffee refills were prompt and there were plenty of them. Although the food was zesty and coffee service acceptable, the West Egg Cafe is not my scene. The place is overrun with faux bohemian yuppie scum and Georgia Tech students, two groups of people I loathe.

notes:

* Operation of the coffee dispenser was difficult to comprehend through the fog of a nasty hangover, so bringing a friend is recommended.