utopia review

Before The Republican was too fucking cool to hang around with us, The Photographer and I joined her at Utopia for tapas and drinks. For Prizzo Skeezy readers not located in Atlanta, tapas is Spanish for rip off. Since I do not like dropping thirty dollars and leaving hungry, I did not sample the food. Unlike the Studio Grille, Utopia had ambiance out the motherfucking trapdoor. There was so much high design ambiance, that by the time I left I was intimate with my feminine side, not just in touch with it.

the drinks

Nothing infuriates me more than douchebag establishments that produce Martini lists. There is no such thing as a fucking Martini list, because a Martini is gin, vermouth, and a twist. Period. Everything else falls under the rubric of cocktail. Unfortunately, marketing fucktards are convinced that the magic word Martini sells substantially more overpriced sickly sweet concoctions than the more pedestrian word cocktail. Goddamn wankers. In protest, I drank beer, which tasted perfectly fine. My companions enjoyed their cocktails.

Despite the dip shit Martini list and lack of real food, I had a good time at Utopia. For people who like techno music, Utopia is recommended.

3 Responses to “utopia review”

  1. hunter Says:

    Wasn’t the vermouth originally used in martinis much sweeter than the current dry stuff? (Asks the marketing fucktard:)If I recall, the original had sweet Italian vermouth and orange biters, but I could be way off base here. My personal favorite is the appletini - one part gin, two parts feltch juice stirred with a very limp wrist and served with a complementary shocker.

    There’s nothing Utopian about tapas in my book, either. Tapas’s right up there with dim sum on the overrated, pain-in-the-ass, chick food fads. Ordering tapas is slightly less fun than watching all 49 hours of The Thorn Birds with an emo date who won’t put out no matter how many appletini & roofie cocktails you pour down her throat.

  2. Seth Says:

    I ordered a Grand Marnier neat the other day and was asked if I was a bartender. No, I just don’t want ice weirdo.

  3. Smoove D Says:

    @Hunter - you are correct. The original did include orange bitters. I’m not so sure about whether or not it was made with French or Italian Vermouth. The modern obsession with making them as dry as possible dates to the 1950s.

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