Propeller Skies

Recurring Prizzo Skeezy characters Hunter, The Photographer, and I ate dinner at The Pizza Joint in downtown Augusta. We briefly considered getting our grub on at the Mellow Mushroom down the street, but concluded there was no point in driving hella far OTP just to eat at a chain with 1.2 billion cookie cutter locations in the ATL.

After sitting on our asses and being ignored, we concluded that no service is provided outside on the patio. Soon after going inside and sitting down, a waitress was taking our drink orders. Lesson learned: go inside for service.

the food

Our second mistake, after sitting outside and expecting service, was to order the bruschetta. The alleged brushcetta sucked harder than an Oreck XL21. Apparently, the cooks are not aware that heat needs to be applied to the bruschetta at some point during the preparation procedure.

After spiritedly discussing toppings for an hour and a half, we ordered a pie. In contrast to the bootleg bruschetta, the pizza was surprisingly delicious. Despite the lack of service outside and non-toasted bruschetta, The Pizza Joint is recommended.

the booze

The Pizza Joint had a wide selection of beers available, especially for Augusta. Because I crave India Pale Ales (IPA) like Paris Hilton craves attention, I ordered a Samuel Smith’s IPA. As my vast IPA experience is limited to American style IPAs, I was excited to try an IPA from the old country. Samuel Smith’s IPA was mighty tasty, although not quite as hopped up as its American counterparts. I liked it so much that I ordered another. Samuel Smith’s India Pale Ale is highly recommended.

ambiance

The ambiance was generic pizza parlor. More burberry would kick it up a notch. Or maybe scantily clad women dancing in cages.

Recurring Propeller Skies character The Photographer and I rolled out to the AUG to hang with recurring Prizzo Skeezy character Hunter. Shortly after arriving in Augusta, we piled into Hunter’s shiny new truck and headed downtown to Nacho Mama’s for lunch.

While Nacho Mama’s burritos are not authentic in the style of Willy’s or Freebirds, they are totally fucking zesty. I had the Havana burrito and a Red Stripe. My burrito was filled with plenty of shrimp and was loaded with flavor. The Red Stripe was pretty much a Red Stripe, but refreshing after a two hour drive.

The ambiance at Nacho Mama’s was excellent, for a burrito joint. Funky pieces by local artists adorn the walls, and the eatery is in a historic building, which has been nicely restored.

Nacho Mama’s is highly recommended. Any Propeller Skies readers lucky enough to find themselves in the AUG should definitely hit Nacho Mama’s for some tasty grub.

[As Smoove is always right, we had to beat this confession out of him. No Apple employees were harmed in the making of this post. But that is only because none were in the vicinity - Ed.]

Dear Steve Jobs,

Go fuck yourself. Hard. In the ass. With a vibrator large enough for a brontosaurus. The biggest mistake I ever made was buying your piece of shit Iphone*.

99 problems, and patience ain’t one

The biggest fucking problem with the goddamn overrated and totally bogus Iphone is that IT TAKES FUCKING ETERNITY PLUS ONE TO DO THE SIMPLEST MOTHERFUCKING THINGS. A software update, which Microsoft can accomplish in three minutes with no errors, takes four hours on the Iphone. And do not even think about trying to surf the internet. The piss poor speed of the Iphone makes me nostalgic for 56k modems and dial-up internet.

Every time I try and use this piece of shit, I want to kill myself, as slowly as possible, because that would be more pleasant than waiting four months for the Iphone to download a web page. Seriously, do not buy an Iphone. Motherfucker is slower than a banana slug.

AT&T’s edge network is slower than a chevrolet cobalt with no gasoline up on blocks

AT&T’s bullshit EDGE network is so fucking slow it gets its own heading. Allegedly, EDGE is 2.5G, which is apparently slightly faster than a 300 baud Hayes Smartmodem. In contrast, I am typing this on my Windows PC with a Sprint EV-DO rev A broadband card, which streams internet porn perfectly fine. Suck it, AT&T. Did I mention AT&T’s wireless network is slower than an entire short bus?

just works, my fucking ass

“The Iphone ‘Angelique’ could not be updated, an unkown error ocurred (1602). ” 1602? What the fuck does that mean? Fuck you. At least Billy G. provides a fucking error message that includes the cause of the aforementioned error. Behold, a screen shot of the Iphone just working:

eat shit and die, steve jobs

Steve Jobs deserves to be pegged by Hillary Clinton** and tortured in Guantanamo Bay until he dies a long, slow, and excruciatingly painful death for unleashing this incredibly sluggish piece of shit on the world. And do not think for a minute I will be purchasing one of his overpriced computers. Twice as much as a PC and one tenth as fast? No fucking way, cocksucker. And I bet they do not just work, either.

Sincerely,
Smoove D

p.s. I wrote this whole fair and balanced review and MY MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN IPHONE IS STILL NOT FUCKING DONE UPDATING!

notes:

* And I have made some big ones. A Pontiac Grand Am and a Jeep Grand Cherokee come to mind. At least they just cost me money and did not piss me off by taking six hours to update every other day and three weeks to download a fucking web page.
** Or any other man hating lesbian with serious anger management problems.

While poking around the internet researching the Foolish Flow Ratio, I came across another useful measure from The Motley Fool - the Cash King Margin. The Cash King Margin is basically a measure of net profitability. However, since it uses free cash flow* instead of earnings, which are bullshit, I find it a superior indicator of profitability, or lack therof.

To calculate the Cash King Margin, divide the free cash flow by sales. If the result is 10 percent or greater, excellent. If not, then the company is doing a shit job of getting cash from sales to the bottom line and not worth paying a premium for. In general, a higher Cash King Margin is more desirable. And now, the ever popular table:

Only two railroads, Canadian National (CNI) and Norfolk Southern (NSC) managed a Cash King Margin of over 10 percent. Additionally, CNI is the only railroad with a five year average Cash King Margin over 10 percent. In contrast, CSX and Union Pacific (UNP) are bringing up the rear. While both were profitable in 2006, CSX had the distinction of being the only railroad with a negative margin in 2005. However, CSX did improve its Cash King Margin by the most points year over year.

For further reading, the next post in the series is: Debt to Equity Ratio, the previous post is Foolish Flow Ratio, and the first post is: Railroad Performance Measures: Operating Ratio

notes:

* Which alert Prizzo Skeezy readers will recall measures actual cash

The Foolish Flow Ratio is one of the most useful performance measures dreamed up by The Motley Fool. The Foolish Flow Ratio quantifies how well a company is managing their working capital. This measure appeals to my contrarian nature, because it treats inventories* and accounts receivable, traditionally considered assets, as liabilities. Conversely, accounts payable, generally considered a liability, is treated as an asset. This contrarian thinking is justified, because accounts receivable are really interest free loans to customers, while accounts payable are interest free loans from suppliers.

Watch out for exploding accounts payable while receivables remain steady - this means management is shafting suppliers to make their numbers look good. Management often gets away with this because equities traders are dumbasses and almost never look beyond net income and earnings per share.

To determine the Foolish Flow Ratio, subtract cash from current assets and then divide by current liabilities minus short term debt. This a fairly easy measure to calculate, because all the necessary inputs are found on the consolidated balance sheets.

The whole point of being in business is to have more loot coming in the front door than going out the back door. This is why the Foolish Flow Ratio gives the thinking investor an edge - it provides a way to measure this. According to The Motley Fool, a ratio below 1.25 is acceptable, while 1.00 or less is preferred. A ratio below 1.00 means a company has more cash coming in than going out.

Railroads are a bad example, as they almost always ace this measure. This is because they have almost no inventory fucking up their flow. However, I have the spreadsheet made for railroads, so here is the table:

Both Norfolk Southern (NSC) and CSX are well above the industry average. Remember, lower is better for the Foolish Flow Ratio. This is not particularly surprising in the case of CSX, as alert Propeller Skies readers have likely figured out CSX sucks wind like hookers on Ponce suck dicks. While NSC is above both the industry average and its own five year average, the year over year trend is headed down, which is the correct direction. In contrast, CSX’s Foolish Flow Ratio is above its five year average and increasing year over year.

Union Pacific (UNP) is another surprise. Usually vying with CSX for first place in the piss poor management hall of shame, UNP managed to pull off the best Foolish Flow Ratio in the industry two years in a row. However, the year over year trend is up, which is the wrong direction, so I am not about to call a turnaround. Also, UNP’s current Foolish Flow Ratio is only slightly lower than their five year average - another argument against improving management.

See also: Cash King Margin, the next post in the series, Quick Ratio, the previous post in the series, and Railroad Performance Measures: Operating Ratio at the beginning.

notes:

* Alert Prizzo Skeezy readers will recall the quick ratio considers inventories worthless, a similar treatment.

With the term “liquidity crisis” currently flying around like shit in a pigpen, now is a good time to discuss the quick ratio, which is a strong test of liquidity. As such, the quick ratio provides insight to the short term financial health of a company. I like the quick ratio because it is more conservative than Rush Limbaugh - the formula assumes inventories are worthless and subtracts their value from current assets. Thus, liquidity of firms that have a hard time unloading inventory* is not positively distorted like it can be with the current ratio, a similar performance measure.

To calculate the quick ratio, subtract inventories from current assets and then divide by current liabilities. In general, a quick ratio greater than 1.0 shows that a company is liquid. In practice, the railroads I am using as examples rarely have a quick ratio over one and acceptable quick ratios vary by industry. If the quick ratio falls significantly from year to year, it is a warning sign of potential future liquidity problems.

Calculating the quick ratio is easy, because all the inputs are found in one place - the consolidated balance sheets. Inventories are found on the balance sheet under assets. In the case of the railroads, inventories are often labeled as materials and supplies - since they do not manufacture anything they do not have traditional inventory like widgets, half built widgets and raw materials laying around. They do, however, need to keep fuel on hand along with oil and spare parts. Current liabilities are also found on the consolidated balance sheets and are labeled as such.

CSX and Norfolk Southern (NSC) currently have the highest liquidity of all the railroads, based on the quick ratio. BNSF (BNI), Canadian National (CNI), and Union Pacific (UNP) are all below the industry average. CNI and UNP both have quick ratios below their respective five year averages, as well.

Besides being inherently useful, the quick ratio is one component of Harry Domash’s Impending Bankruptcy Indicator, a very useful tool.

For further reading, see the next post in the series: Foolish Flow Ratio, the previous post in the series: Enterprise Value to Free Cash Flow, or the first post in the series: Railroad Performance Measures: Operating Ratio.

notes:

* Like homebuilders during the biggest housing downturn since the Great Depression.