Deathproof is the stupidest fucking movie in the entire damn world. A more accurate title would be Watchproof, as it is nothing more than a motherfucking Lifetime original movie with better looking actresses.

While Quentin Tarantino started off strong with Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction, later movies, especially this piece of shit, exposed him as a no talent having hack. This is unfortunate, as I rather enjoyed the two aforementioned films.

The plot of Deathproof consists mainly of women sitting around talking to each other. Thirty-three minutes into the movie, exactly no ultra-violence has occurred. We decide to fast forward to see if that helps. At forty-four minutes into the movie, something might have happened, but the two cats allowing us to watch the movie in their apartment were more violent and interesting, so I was not paying any attention. Also, no tits had been shown yet. Seriously, what is the point of having a bunch of hot actresses in a movie if no boobs will be making appearances?

In an effort to increase the positivity around here, I have compiled the following list of things that would improve this movie:

• Copious amounts of gratuitous titty shots;
• Non-stop ultraviolence;
• A nefarious army of midgets wielding chainsaws that carve people into vertical slices; and
• A cameo by choo-choo bear.

While the improvements listed above might upgrade the movie to watchable, even zombie ninjas could not make it as good as Mr. Tarantino’s earlier work. I was looking forward to seeing the movie, however Deathproof was a huge disappointment and is not recommended. Except as an interrogation tool.