clear 4g wireless: epic fail

All I wanted to do was order some damn tickets for an upcoming The Dutchess and The Duke show. Now my drunk ass is up writing a rant about the shitty internet disservice provided by Clear (formerly known as Clearwire, and before that, Xohm). Hint: there is a reason for the name changes. And that reason is: that which we call Clear by any other name would smell just as fecal.

Cliff’s Notes:

Do not get Clear internet. Clear sucks and is without a doubt the worst motherfucking ISP ever. Seriously, Clear is awful. Do not get Clear.

we can put a man on the moon, but reliable internet is beyond us

Who do I have to sleep with in this country to get some decent goddamn internet service? As previously discussed I hate Comcast. In contrast, Sprint was pretty cool, but 3G was just too slow to stream teh pr0nz. So when Clear came out with 4G, promising speeds up to 6MB/s, I was first in line to sign up. Turns out, Clear sucks more dick than Priya Rai.

6 MB/s, my ass, try 1 MB/s

At first, Clear was totally awesome. They advertised 6MB/s and I was getting 2 - 3MB/s at home in downtown Atlanta about 10 yards from the cell tower. That is about what I was expecting, since wireless always works about half as good as advertised*. At my friend’s place in Inman Park, I got over 6MB/s on several occasions.

Then Clear started sucking. Now I am lucky to get 1 MB/s, if the service even condescends to actually work. For comparison purposes, that would be approximately as fast as my fucking 3G Iphone (more on this later). Fuck Clear.

oh, so you don’t like 1 MB/s? then try 0 MB/s, bitch

While disappointing, the slow speeds were tolerable. However, in the past month, Clear has been going down completely for hours at a time. Amazingly, when service goes down, Clear’s technical support never seems to be open. I suppose this beats Comcast, because at least I do not have to spend three hours on hold to be told the outage is my fault and I need to power cycle the modem**.

a backup plan

After getting fucked in the ass multiple times by Clear’s crappy internet, I came up with a backup plan for when the intert00bz go down. Luckily, I previously spent too much money on an Iphone. Conveniently, Steve Jobs, the One True God™, saw fit to enable tethering in the Iphone’s 3.x OS. Of course the shitheads at AT&T are not on board with that, but with my mad Google skills, I got it working and am writing this now while Clear is down. Pretty fucking sad when America’s shittiest cell phone provider works better than Clear Wimax.

clear sucks and is not recommended

Just to be clear, Clear is NOT recommended. Clear is a complete and utter rip off. Also, for the record, Sprint and Comcast own large stakes in Clear. So do not think Sprint’s 4G service will work any better than Clear - Sprint is using the exact same hardware and towers and simply charging more. Sort of like a Lexus ES350 is just a glorified Camry.

Other people on the intert00bz who also think Clear sucks:

notes:

* Unless the provider is AT&T - then it works 25 percent as good as advertised, if at all.
** Which never fixes a fucking thing.

One Response to “clear 4g wireless: epic fail”

  1. J Says:

    guess who’s going to Warren, PA?

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