Archive for the ‘Dumbasses’ Category

advertisement fail

Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

While watching Bad Girls Club, I have been bombarded with commercials about high fructose corn syrup during every single fucking break. Each advertisement is slightly different, but the theme is the same - they strongly imply high fructose corn syrup is perfectly safe and just like sugar.

If high fructose corn syrup is really perfectly safe, why all the advertisements? And why is the statement high fructose corn syrup is perfectly safe never said outright? Any budding lawyers out there want to take on big corn?

soul mate found and lost

Thursday, July 10th, 2008

The Man was keeping me down in downtown Atlanta today. While there, I witnessed the following stupidity.

the dumbass

Courtland Street is a one way street comprised of five southbound lanes. While moseying down the sidewalk, I observed a fucktard from Missouri in a Pontiac Vibe who was clearly lost. He was attempting to cut across three lanes of traffic to enter the Sheraton parking lot. Unfortunately, he was slowing down while attempting this maneuver. When he got to the second to left lane, he abruptly came to a complete stop. An Infiniti G35 driver behind the fucktard locked his brakes and barely avoided a rear end collision.

the woman

Behind the Infiniti G35 was a hot brunette with glasses driving a Honda Accord. As documented previously, I dig the hot librarian look. After being stopped for a few seconds, a look of great anger passed across her face and she mashed her horn. I felt my heart leap. As her window was down, I decided to say something, but a dense fog had descended on my brain. The best I could come up with was nice anger, want to fuck - so I said nothing.

msm bashing: david graves edition

Saturday, December 22nd, 2007

Just so we are clear, internet, I have a few points to make about Access Atlanta and their corporate overlords, the Atlanta Urinal Constipation, before bashing David Graves. First, Access Atlanta is a neutered rip off of the far superior Creative Loafing aimed at bland suburban douchebags. Second, the Atlanta Urinal constipation as a whole is a poorly written pile of shit and is not worth the paper it is printed on.

That said, Mr. Graves faces the wrath of the Prizzo Skeezy for making completely retarded comments about Ghettoberry Hood. Mr. Graves asks the following about Castleberry Hill, “Being a burgeoning arts district, where are the coffeehouses, boutiques — or food marts for that matter?” Well, allow me to retort, Mr. Graves. The Coffee Loft is located at 322 Peters Street. Another coffee house, Tilt is at 274 Walker Street. How about actually wandering around the neighborhood you are reporting on next time, Mr. Graves? Or just firing up Google?

As for boutiques, try driving down Peters Street and looking - Urban Fusion is one shop that comes to mind. One block to the north on Walker Street are several small storefronts, along with the slightly larger Fog Armour.

The only thing Mr. Graves got correct is the lack of a grocery store.

Finally, Mr. Graves is a horrible photographer. There is no excuse for the flash reflecting off the glass in the poorly composed picture accompanying the article.

notes:

Original article: Star Shines On Peters Street. Visit Bugmenot to avoid the bullshit registration.

safe driver of the week™ - honda civic dx

Monday, November 6th, 2006

Guess what county I found this Safe Driver of the Week™ in. Enjoy another wrecked Honda product:

A wrecked Honda Civic DX discovered in Gwinnett County, GA.  October 28, 2006.

 

baller of the week™ - Nissan Sentra

Monday, October 16th, 2006

Like the seventh Baller of the Week™ and ninth Baller of the Week™, this week’s player is a baller on a budget. However, he takes broke to the next level by adding chrome hub caps to the cheapest Nissan. Behold the power of fake ass burberry:

A pimped out Nissan Sentra with faux bling hub caps found in Atlanta, GA.  October 8, 2006.

 

baller of the week™ - mercedes benz c230

Wednesday, September 13th, 2006

Like the seventh Baller of the Week™, this week’s hustler is a baller on a budget. He bought the cheapest Benz and then spent plenty of chedder on ugly fucking rims to appear more successful than he really is. Behold the power of cheese:

A pimped out Mercedes Benz C230 with bling bling rims found in the wilds of DeKalb County, GA.  September 8, 2006.

safe driver of the week™ - wrecked lexus gs 300

Monday, September 11th, 2006

This Safe Driver of the Week™ has been parking their ghetto sled in the lot at my ghetto fabulous apartment complex for quite some time. If they could be bothered to fix it, this would be a nice example of a first generation Lexus GS 300.

A wrecked first generation Lexus GS 300 I found parked in my ghetto fabulous apartment lot, Atlanta, GA.  September 6 , 2006.

baller of the week™ - Acura TL

Thursday, August 17th, 2006

The eighth Baller of the Week™ hails from the jelly state, where the ballers ball, the playas play, and the hillbillies snort Oxycontin like Robert Louis Stevenson inhaled white lines. This borders on rice, but motherfucker ain’t got no ridiculous giant wing.

A pimped second generation Acura TL I found parked on Bishop Street, Atlanta, GA.  August 6 , 2006.

baller of the week™ - gmc yukon denali

Tuesday, July 18th, 2006

I found this Baller of the Week™ parked in front of the building that houses Dirty South Studios. I am guessing this week’s baller is not big time, because the vehicle has GMC emblazoned on the grill instead of the wreath and crest.

A pimptastic GMC Yukon Denali with ridiculous rims found on Bishop Street in Atlanta, GA.  July 15, 2006.

redneck of the week™

Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
A redneck SUV in my ghetto faboulous apartment complex parking lot.  June 20, 2006.

At first, I thought this was a home made SUV. Then I noticed the S-10 Blazer badge on the front. Which makes no sense, because this is a K-5 Blazer.