Propeller Skies

I found this wrecked Subaru Forester in Virginia Highlands. All five Propeller Skies readers are cordially invited to speculate on what this Safe Driver of the Week™ collided with.

Friday evening, I found a riced out Toyota Corolla in the parking lot of my ghetto fabulous apartment complex. In need of another non-weekly of the week feature for the amusement of all five Propeller Skies readers and inspired by Seth’s recent feature on ricer automobiles, I shot the following rice rocket:

Starting from the bottom, the wheels add 5 horsepower (HP) each, the ridiculous coffee can muffler adds 10 hp, the ugly taillights add 5 hp each, and the silly wing adds another 5 hp for a grand total of 45 additional hp. To increase power even more, I highly recommend adding plenty of stickers.

Funny how DP world changed their tune when Congress threatened a real investigation. I suspect they did not want their sweetheart deal from the Head Fucktard in Charge to see the light of day.

Read UAE Firm to Transfer Port Operations to U.S. Entity.

The Mexican population in Texas is incensed because Houston’s major league soccer* team chose 1836, the year Houston was founded, as a name. Coincidentally, 1836 is the same year General Sam Houston decisively defeated General Santa Ana and the Mexican Army** at the battle of San Jacinto, thus ensuring the independence of the Republic of Texas. The whole furor over 1836 is ridiculous. That would be like me, a native of the northeast, getting upset if the Georgia Force*** named themselves 1861. There is one key difference - unlike Mexico, the north won the civil war. Unfortunately, the bitch ass ownership of Houston’s MLS franchise changed the name from 1836 to the hopelessly lame Dynamo.

notes:

* MLS has the distinction of being approximately as relevant as the NHL.
** Only slightly more effective than the French Army, as General Sam Houston’s forces literally caught them napping.
*** Chosen as an example, since arena football is roughly as popular as major league soccer.

This time, the prestigious Propeller Skies Fucktard of the Week™ goes to an entire group of douchebags. These motherfucking morons came up with the genius idea of obeying the law to show the absurdity of the 55 mile an hour speed limit. Unfortunately, their premise of obeying the law to make a point fails miserably, because they break section 40-6-40 D of the Georgia Official Code:

“(d) No two vehicles shall impede the normal flow of traffic by traveling side by side at the same time while in adjacent lanes, provided that this Code section shall not be construed to prevent vehicles traveling side by side in adjacent lanes because of congested traffic conditions”

Watch the dumbest video ever. I wish I had been behind those dillholes. I would have exited at a gun show*, picked up assault rifles, caught back up to them**, and started busting caps like Cheney hunting for quail.

A big Prizzo Skeezy shout out to Autoblog for bringing my attention to this idiocy.

notes:

* I live in Atlanta, redneck capital of the south. On any given day, at least three gun shows are going on at any freeway exit.
** Not a problem, since they were going 55. Plus, my stock TL will easily catch any of their bitch ass rides.

Dear Head Fucktard In Charge,

Nineteen of the nineteen persons who participated in the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks were Arab. I do not advocate repealing the civil liberties of United States citizens of Arab descent, but turning over the operation of several key ports in large American cities to a company owned by a country known to aid and abet terrorists is a worse idea than going hunting with Dick Cheney.

Love,
Smoove D

I found this lightly scratched second generation Acura TL in my ghetto fabulous apartment complex parking lot this morning.

John Kiel Patterson, of Louisiana is the latest recipient of the prestigious Propeller Skies Fucktard of the Week™ award. Mr. Patterson, fucktard extraordinaire, is suing Apple and alleging that iPods cause hearing loss. The only problem is, Mr. Patterson, by his own admission, likely does not have hearing loss.

“Patterson does not know if the device has damaged his hearing, said his attorney, Steve W. Berman, of Seattle.”
–CNN

Here is an idea, Mr. Patterson: turn the volume down instead of wasting taxpayer dollars and tying up the court system with a frivolous lawsuit. Both Mr. Patterson and Mr. Berman make a solid case for tort reform.

Read Lawsuit: iPods may cause … eh?

In contrast to the second Baller of the Week™ contestant, who pimped a ghetto sled, this week’s contestant is balling out of control. I found these dope rims on a late model Mercedes Benz in the parking lot of my ghetto fabulous apartment complex.

This is the first Baller of the Week™ contestant whose blue book value exceeds the cost of the bling.

Shirley Franklin is the winner of the prestigious Propeller Skies Fucktard of the Week™ award for abusing executive power by placing a moratorium on reasonably sized houses in the City of Atlanta. This is a load of pinko commie bullshit and if the moratorium becomes permanent the terrorists have won.

Given the fiscal disaster the city is, the government should be encouraging the boom in high dollar houses. After all, somebody has to pay for the sewer upgrades.

[For further reading, see: Halting McMansions - Ed.]