Propeller Skies

In contrast to Quentin Tarantino’s hopelessly shitty Deathproof, Robert Rodrigeuz’s contribution to Grindhouse, Planet Terror, kicked more ass than Jean Claude. Where Deathproof featured hours of boring dialog between women, Planet Terror was ninety-five minutes of non-stop action.

Besides plenty of action, Planet Terror also included zombies, a prosthetic leg that doubles as a machine gun, bad acting by Quentin Tarantino, and multiple shots of Rose McGowan’s heaving bosom. The only thing missing from this film is a midget.

Planet Terror is recommended. We here at Propeller Skies highly recommend skipping the terrible companion piece Deathproof.

Deathproof is the stupidest fucking movie in the entire damn world. A more accurate title would be Watchproof, as it is nothing more than a motherfucking Lifetime original movie with better looking actresses.

While Quentin Tarantino started off strong with Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction, later movies, especially this piece of shit, exposed him as a no talent having hack. This is unfortunate, as I rather enjoyed the two aforementioned films.

The plot of Deathproof consists mainly of women sitting around talking to each other. Thirty-three minutes into the movie, exactly no ultra-violence has occurred. We decide to fast forward to see if that helps. At forty-four minutes into the movie, something might have happened, but the two cats allowing us to watch the movie in their apartment were more violent and interesting, so I was not paying any attention. Also, no tits had been shown yet. Seriously, what is the point of having a bunch of hot actresses in a movie if no boobs will be making appearances?

In an effort to increase the positivity around here, I have compiled the following list of things that would improve this movie:

• Copious amounts of gratuitous titty shots;
• Non-stop ultraviolence;
• A nefarious army of midgets wielding chainsaws that carve people into vertical slices; and
• A cameo by choo-choo bear.

While the improvements listed above might upgrade the movie to watchable, even zombie ninjas could not make it as good as Mr. Tarantino’s earlier work. I was looking forward to seeing the movie, however Deathproof was a huge disappointment and is not recommended. Except as an interrogation tool.

Last Friday, I imbibed Red Sky at Night and watched Amazon Women on the Moon with recurring Propeller Skies character The Beaver. Props to Hunter for recommending this fucked up film. The non-linear plot and general bizarreness remind me of Schizopolis, by Steven Soderbergh. Amazon Women on the Moon is smoove as hell.

As an aside, this movie is titled “Cheeseburger Film Sandwich” in France, proving yet again the French are fucking retards.

Monday night I drank a few glasses of wine and watched School of Rock with recurring Propeller Skies character, and bad influence, Stacia. The movie was funny. But not funny in a good way. It was funny in an oh my God I can’t believe how lame the writing is kind of way.

The premise of the movie was ridiculously stupid and doomed it from the beginning. One dimensional characters that were never developed over the course of the movie made things even worse. Finally, the plot was completely bogus and utterly predictable. I do not recommend this movie.

The only good thing about this movie was the appearance of Sarah Silverman. And they even fucked that up. Her comic talents were completely wasted in her role as annoying bitchy girlfriend. Additionally, she did not look very good, complements of a terrible wardrobe and a poor makeup job.

A few glasses of wine and some funny moments made this movie tolerable. However, I would have been severely pissed off if I had spent $8 to see this dog in a theater with no alcohol.

I watched Sid and Nancy the other day. For anyone who was living under a rock on Pluto for the past thirty years, the movie is about the decaying love affair between Sex Pistols bassist Sid Vicious and heroin addicted groupie Nancy Spungen. The movie also chronicles the disintegration of the band. It is a cheerful, positive, and uplifting movie, just the kind I enjoy.

Although Sid and Nancy’s descent into a heroin induced life of hell is compelling, the highlight of the movie is the simulated Sex Pistols shows. I was only three years old when Sid fatally overdosed, so I never saw an actual show. The energy and dynamics of the staged shows in the movie make most so-called punk bands today look like a bunch of pathetic bitch-ass pussies. Seriously. Only The Woggles even come close.

In conclusion, stay away from the chicks on heroin. They will wreck your life and destroy your band.