Archive for the ‘Restaurants’ Category

slice: long term test

Monday, March 9th, 2009

I have lived in Ghettoberry Hood for a few years now, and Slice is a restaurant I frequent like Elliott Spitzer patronizes hookers. For those overachieving Prizzo Skeezy readers who want to view my earlier thoughts on Slice, use the motherfucking search box, as I am too drunk and lazy to include links to previous reviews.

PBR here we are. Waiting for a calzone. Barkeep bring me another tall boy of that singular swill. Fucking finally the goddamn booze kicks in and life is smoove. A smile for the pretty waitress.

The pepperoni calzone arrives, hot like a Cleveland Steamer, but far more tasty. Slice is highly recommended. Every time I have been over the last two years, the food has always been tasty, service has been exemplary, and prices are reasonable.

This review would be incomplete without mention of the ambiance. Because ambiance is clearly the most important attribute of a restaurant. Every time I walk into Slice, I feel so motherfucking hip and urban.

Slice on Urbanspoon

255 tapas lounge review dos

Monday, March 2nd, 2009

Last week, The Photographer and I hit 255 Tapas Lounge for dinner on a weeknight. While I had been less than enthralled on my previous visit, she noted her interest in going when we passed by on our way to Slice one evening. I also wanted to stop in again to see if things had improved.

behold the power of cheese

I was suspicious that owner Courtland Jackson’s comment on my previous review of 255 Tapas Lounge was someone playing a prank. I certainly did not expect him to change anything I criticized. I mean seriously, who listens to a web site that had a daily readership of cinco at its peak and has substantially less than that now?

service

Upon arriving, we were seated quickly. Soon after, an attractive waitress showed up, listed some drink specials, and took our order. She quickly returned with the drinks and took our food order. Food delivery was also prompt. Service is good and has been massively improved since my last visit.

drink specials

The aforementioned drink specials were a five dollar Apple Martini, Cosmopolitan, or Margarita. Obviously, I ordered the Apple Martini - not! The Margarita was reasonably tasty and at five dollars, a decent value. This was an immense improvement over my last visit and overpriced Guinness.

food

The Photographer and I ordered crab tots, calamari, and baby burgers. As last time, the food prices were appropriate to the portion size. Also similar to my last visit, the food was really fucking delicious. Crab tots are a brilliant idea and mighty tasty - they’re essentially miniature fried crab cakes and explode with flavor. The baby burgers were beyond excellent, I had the Baby Angus and Baby Chicken. Both were exquisite, the Baby Angus tasted like steak on a bun and the Baby Chicken was crisp and flavorful.

the verdict

With decent service, drink specials, and stand out food, 255 Tapas Lounge is now highly recommended.

255 Tapas Lounge on Urbanspoon

siam square thai cuisine review

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009

The other day, a couple of friends and I ate lunch at Siam Square Thai Cuisine on Windy Hill Road in Smyrna. As is common in Atlanta, Siam Square is a tasty restaurant cleverly hidden in a run down strip commercial shopping center.

Inside, the decor is nothing special. While I like to take a leak in a bourgeoisie Johnson Studio designed can as much as the next young upwardly mobile Atlantan, I strongly prefer that restaurateurs spend their cash on quality food instead of tasteless ambiance.

As a starter, I ordered the coconut soup. While the soup was delicious overall, the chicken was limp and lacked flavor. Siam Square’s coconut soup is recommended. One of my friends requested spring rolls for the table. The rolls were crispy and mighty tasty.

For the main course, I had green curry with shrimp. The green curry was nicely spiced and appropriately hot. The dish was quite delicious, however, I still like Malaya’s version better.

Service was excellent, our waiter was attentive without being overbearing. Siam Square Thai Cuisine is highly recommended.

Siam Square Thai Cuisine on Urbanspoon

255 tapas lounge review

Thursday, December 11th, 2008

After several attempts, Mr. Coffee from the Coffee Loft convinced me I should try 255 Tapas Lounge with him. This started off badly for a number of reasons. First, I hate tapas. The term itself is Spanish for ripping off stupid Gringos. When I pay money for food, I like to feel full - for some reason, I am always hungry after eating small plates. Also, in Atlanta, small plates do not often come with small prices.

Second, the owner of 255 Tapas Lounge, Courtland Jackson, came off as a dick when quoted in the Atlanta Urinal Constipation. Mr. Jackson essentially called all the white people in Ghettoberry Hood racists[1]. However, in his defense, the quality of reporting in the Atlanta Urinal Constipation consistently rates slightly above mentally deficient. For example, in the article, the paper did not even get the number of lanes on Peters Street correct. [ Update: Mr. Jackson's response* - Ed. ]

the beer

While chilling at the bar waiting for Mr. Coffee to show up, I enjoyed gazing at the hottie bartender and sipping a Guinness. The bartender was wearing fashionable glasses - hot women with glasses drive me crazy.

However, the Guinness I ordered was severely overpriced. The cost was over $7.00, which for a glass of beer is fucking ridiculous. Who, besides Wall Street pigmen living like fat cats on the backs of the taxpayers has that kind of money in this Bush Economy™?

the food

Despite the diminutive serving sizes, the food was excellent. I ordered the ring tower and crab tots. Both were very flavorful. The crab tots in particular were extremely zesty and an interesting take on a low brow side. I enjoyed them very much.

In contrast to drinks, food prices were in line with the portion size and quality of the food. 255 Tapas Lounge is recommended for the food, but bring a fat wad of cash to drink.

the service

Service was fucking awful. Several young attractive waitresses passed Mr. Coffee and I by, while others promised to return and take our orders, but never did. In frustration, we dragged our starving selves to the bar and used our last bit of strength to order from the aforementioned hottie bartender.

notes:

1. Original Atlanta Urinal Constipation article.
* As the poster did not leave an email address, Propeller Skies can not guarantee Mr. Jackson actually wrote the comment. However, the response does seem legitimate.

255 Tapas Lounge on Urbanspoon

carver’s review

Thursday, November 13th, 2008

To celebrate Halloween, The Man held a costume contest and provided a free lunch. Not wanting to see my colleagues in tasteful costumes*, I suggested having a rebel lunch to a few folks in my group. Suggestions were solicited like prostitutes, a vote was taken, and Halloween lunch was held at Carver’s.

Carver’s serves southern food, which I am not particularly fond of. I was less than enthusiastic, but thrilled to see Carver’s offered barbecue pork, which I ordered. For sides, I consumed mashed potatoes with ham and cheese along with macaroni and cheese. I like cheese.

The barbecue pork was flavorful and tender, but not at the same level as my favorite Rolling Bones or Fox Brothers. While the macaroni and cheese was decent, the mashed potatoes with ham and cheese were off the hizzle fo’ shizzle. The food is on the tastier side of decent, portions are large and lunch costs under $10.00, an important consideration in this Bush Economy™.

Carver’s is an Atlanta institution and certainly worth visiting at least once. If I worked nearby, I would take lunch there more often. Carver’s gets three macaroni and cheeses out of five.

The food at Carver’s is far superior to the flavorless dreck served by Mary Mac’s tea room. Therefore, Carver’s is a much better place to take visitors.

notes:

Visit Carver’s Country Cookin’
* There might be two or three I would like to see in tasteless (read: slutty) costumes, but the vast majority of them, not so much.

Carvers Country Cooking on Urbanspoon

jct kitchen review

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

I attended a birthday party at JCT Kitchen over the weekend. I walked in with an attitude problem because I had been looking forward to eating at Ecco - mostly because I could pregame, MARTA up there, drink all I wanted, and MARTA back home. Also, Ecco is ranked number 46 on the Jizzabel 100 best Atlanta restaurants list*, whereas JCT Kitchen is nowhere to be found in the top 100. Unfortunately, someone is popular, so the party was too large for Ecco to handle.

the upstairs bar

Prior to eating, we met in the bar for a few drinks. I liked the bar better in its previous incarnation as the Onyx Bar. However, this version is better than the thankfully defunct Suzy Wong’s Lounge.

A key issue is the weak sauce beer list. The brews on offer are reasonable, however the list is far too short. Some North Coast Brewing India Pale Ale would improve it, for starters.

A sorry beer list could be mitigated by a decent cocktail selection and bartenders with solid mixing skills. Cocktails were not being shaken long enough to chill them properly, so I ordered from the truncated beer list. Additionally, the top shelf liquor and liqueur display lacked anything interesting or rare. Seriously, how fucking hard is it to hire some decent bartenders and stock a few obscure liqueurs? Come up with a signature drink, or clever twist on a classic, using the aforementioned difficult to find liqueurs and I would be impressed.

the dining room

In the interest of being fair and balanced like Fox News, I need to mention now that I fucking hate southern food. The only acceptable item I found on the menu was pork tenderloin served with bleu cheese scalloped potatoes.

One of the more irritating features of the menu was the bogus side selections. I was interested in the rainbow trout wrapped in bacon, because anything wrapped in pork is fucking awesome, but the side disgusted me. Seriously, what the fuck kind of side is vidalia onion puree, sweet corn, pickled shallots, spiced pecans and arugula? Am I supposed to eat that shit? Way to ruin a perfectly good dish, fucktards. A dope side would have been french fries and macaroni and cheese. Leave it to southerners to fuck up the inherent excellence of anything wrapped in bacon.

Fortunately, the pork tenderloin was off the chain. Otherwise, I would have had to cut some fools. The pork was incredibly tender - before I tasted it I thought someone fucked up because it flaked apart like fish. The bleu cheese scalloped potatoes were also delicious, although diced would be a more accurate term.

obligatory waitress review

While our waitress was a reasonably attractive brunette, the folks one table away got a much better deal. Their waitress was [1] blonde, and [2] had bigger knockers - with her shirt unbuttoned just enough to show some delicious cleavage.

waffling like a democratic presidential candidate

While I would never go back, JCT Kitchen is recommended for those who like [1] southern food, and [2] a Buckhead crowd. I enjoyed my entree, but it was the only thing on the menu that I was interested in, so there is no point in returning. Finally, the men’s bathroom inexplicably lacked urinals. If I wanted to piss in a toilet, I would stay home.

notes:

* Not that I give a fuck about what Jizzabel thinks, bunch of bourgeoisie bitches anyway.

JCT Kitchen on Urbanspoon

star review

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

A few nights ago, recurring Propeller Skies character The Photographer and I ate at Star, located in Ghettoberry Hood. When we arrived, the bartender was busy, but he quickly acknowledged us and stated he would be right with us. That pissed me off, I was looking forward to carping about poor service. Unfortunately for my love of whinging, the service at Star was spectacular the entire evening.

a brief history lesson

Star is a blues joint and restaurant in the space formerly occupied by the overpriced and underwhelming Studio Grille. A few months after the Studio Grille condignly went out of business, Star opened. Star is a marked improvement over the prior tenant.

a dry gin martini with a twist

Unlike the usual Atlanta bartenders, the bartender looked like he might have some experience and be capable of mixing a decent drink. I asked for a dry Sapphire Martini with a twist. The bartender reported Star had no Bombay* Sapphire. Fucking finally, something to complain about. I specified Tanqueray instead. The bartender properly chilled a glass with ice and water and mixed my drink.

The Martini was excellent and contained the proper amount of vermouth. This is not always the case, as Atlanta is a trendy sort of town and a substantial percentage of bartenders here think dry Martini actually means Naked Martini. Because the Martini was Smoove as hell, I ordered another.

the food

I ordered Jumbo Shrimp Alfredo and a side of Italian Macaroni and Cheese. As for the macaroni and cheese, I have no idea what the fuck made it Italian, as opposed to regular ass, macaroni and cheese, since it tasted like perfectly normal macaroni and cheese. Besides, is not macaroni and cheese inherently of Italian descent? Despite the odd nomenclature, the biggest issue with the dish was The Photographer kept bogarting my macaroni and cheese. The Italian Macaroni and Cheese was delicious.

The entree I consumed, Jumbo Shrimp Alfredo, was also mighty tasty. The shrimp was nicely grilled, the pasta was cooked perfectly, and the sauce was appropriately creamy. There were a few guerrilla vegetables staging an uprising in the dish, but they were minimal and did not detract from my enjoyment of it. Star is highly recommended for both food and drinks.

ambiance

This section is completely pointless, as shit food tastes asstastic no matter how nice the decor is or what bourgeoisie architecture studio designed the turd station. However, it is included because all high falutin’ august publications such as the Atlanta Urinal Constipation**, go on about ambiance, so I will too. In contrast to the previously disparaged Studio Grille, the ambiance of Star is top notch.

notes:

* In following the dumbass trend of referring to colonial cities by their native names, I suppose this should be renamed Mumbai Sapphire. However, I refuse to participate in this stupidity.
** Alert Prizzo Skeezy readers will recall the aformentioned bastion of journalistic excellence managed to completely miss not one, but two coffee shops on their trip to Castleberry Hill to review Star.

bhojanic review

Monday, April 21st, 2008

After a slight detour because of my mad directional skills, The Shih Tzu, Hunt Dizzle, and I ate dinner at Bhojanic in Decatur. Upon entering Bhojanic, I was surprised and disappointed at the massive number of white people. As we know from reading Stuff White People Like, being the only white person around is critical to enjoyment of ethnic food. Even the Bhojanic staff was white.

Because the slogan “Warning, Food Has Flavor” was emblazoned on the staff shirts, I assumed the opposite was true. Especially since there was a limited amount of actual Indians in the restaurant. I was shocked to discover the food had plenty of taste.

I consumed tilapia curry, because I am lazy - the lamb curry was served bone in. I considered ordering one of the Thalis, but they include vegetables, which I am opposed to. Vegetables are for hippies. The curry was mighty tasty. I suppose it could have used more heat, but I consider jalapeños decorative.

Hunt Dizzle attempted to order the lamb curry, but Bhojanic was fresh out. So he requested the goat curry instead. All I have to say about that is: do not eat the goat. The goat is an angry creature and has ways of exacting revenge.

Despite its popularity amongst the whites, Bhojanic is mighty tasty and recommended. Hunt Dizzle gives Bhojanic a rating of three out of three scented candles.

Bhojanic on Urbanspoon

atkins park review - brunch again

Tuesday, April 15th, 2008

On a cold ass Saturday morning, Hunt Diddy and I stopped by Atkins Park in Virginia Highland for brunch. While I had a tasty omelet, Hunt Diddy got his grub on with country ham and invisible gravy. Service was excellent, our waitress even brought out more invisible gravy after Diddy stated it was no problem.

Unlike a previous trip to Atkins Park, no hot blondes were spotted this time. Despite the lack of flaxen haired maidens, Atkins Park in Virginia Highlands is highly recommended.

raging burrito review

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008

Some time ago, recurring Propeller Skies character Hunt Diddy paid a visit to tha ATL. Soon after he arrived, Hunt Diddy, recurring Prizzo Skeezy character The Photographer, and I rolled over to Decatur and ate a tasty meal at Raging Burrito.

For an appetizer, we ordered homemade guacamole and chips. This starter was filling and had plenty of flavor, but was not spectacular. For an entree, I consumed a Cajun Killer Burrito with shrimp. That shit was motherfucking zesty.

While eating, Hunt Diddy, The Photographer, and I enjoyed sampling several fine brews from the Raging Burrito’s limited beer selection. Although lacking in scope, the beers available are all high quality, except for some macrobrewed domestic swill on offer.

All this beer and food was served by a hottie waitress. Although she was scrawnier than I usually like, her slightly exotic looks and low riding jeans made up for that shortcoming.

Based on a barely acceptable beer selection and food exploding with flavor, Raging Burrito in Decatur is recommended. However, Decatur is high on the list of stuff white people like, so crackerphobes should stay away.

Raging Burrito on Urbanspoon